I believe I have been living my life as if I have all the time in the world - and to an extent, so do my loved ones! Procrastination is frequent and rampant. Lack of appreciation even more so. Add into the equation our endless battles - Mars vs. Venus, Generation X vs. baby boomers, whats our kids generation called anyway? - Gen Y? Type Alpha vs. Type Z and also the power struggles within - to prove who's boss!
And then when it suddenly strikes - without any warning - death! It is numbing. It blows the mind. It is reality - the only thing real and certain about life is death. And yet, it is inexplicably sad. It HAS to come - sooner or later.
We will all be confronted by this soon enough - death of a parent. I lost my father when I was too young. And in retrospect - I did not really get it at all! I did not understand the magnitude of my loss. I remember I felt this constant hollow in my stomach - I equate it to insecurity now. But back then I could not put my finger on it. I definitely appreciate it when they say ignorance is bliss!
Now - I am older, I hope I get it. I hope I can handle it better. But when confronted by death yet again - it was as numbing, as unacceptable. We lost A's father to his long drawn battle with health issues. Part of me wants to offer gratitude that he was spared more pain - but the other part is constantly asking 'why me? why now?and what next?'. Suddenly the whole relationship feels wasteful - because it feels like unfinished business. There are still so many things I wanted - from this relationship. There are so many upcoming events I was hoping we would share - the event of life!
And I discovered that, death is an equally important event of life! Intuitively, I would want to quickly acknowledge it and deal with it - like removing bandaid. But that is probably not good for me at a subliminal level. And Hindu rituals probably take that into consideration. What follows the death of a human being is a long process - a whole set of rituals that basically drive the fact home. And all this has nothing to do with the person who passed on but it is meant for the surviving family and friends. This is a set of age old, highly supported, sincerely practiced rituals that start from bidding farewell to the mortal remains of the departed by cleaning and preparing of the body for cremation - with great involvement from family members. It is not something carried out at a funeral home by morticians. It is led by a priest but it is physically conducted by family members. I feel that it is morbid and disturbing.
Then comes the actual cremation - offering the mortal remains to the purity of sacred fire. Another lengthy process.
Following that is an unending set of rituals and customs carried out by the family members over a span of days - if not weeks and months. We decided to keep it short - in accordance with Dad's wishes. But it is clearly a process of mourning. And mourning is not allowed to be personal. It is a public and shared process. It consists of many steps where a person is guided to share the grief and talk about it. The rituals ask for involvement of the person's siblings, children, grandchildren, womenfolk, friends - the whole ecosystem seems to get involved. It is about introspection and articulation. A process of thinking, feeling, converting thoughts and feelings into action.
Some of these rituals have been bastardised - for economic gains. But most of the process remains intact under layers of tradition and begs you to find it's value and meaning.
To me it is a reminder of how precious time and relationships are. It also provides a fresh and crystal clear lens to look at my life, my blessings, my ecosystem. I still feel numb and get that 'unfinished' feeling. But the rituals may be helping in their unexplained, mysterious ways.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Past, present and future. or are they all the same??
So now we have aimed for the moon with an unmanned space shuttle which will stay in orbit for 2 years and study the origins of the solar system. Chandrayaan (journey to the moon) launched this morning at 6.28 am IST. It will take 5.5 days to get into orbit around the beautiful satellite. It is a rainy, Wednesday morning here (it still pours!) - one could not even see the rocket a few seconds after it launched because it disappeared among the clouds. It is India'a maiden mission to the moon. All four phases of the launch went off flawlessly this morning.
I can just envision more romantic poetry to come out of this exercise - :) as fodder for Bollywood. We do need more data on the moon to incorporate into our Bollywood songs - dont we?
We may also make use of scientific data on why the human race can sustain in some parts of the solar system and whether we can find some real estate to sell on the moon. With no hope for a better life in Bangalore, we need new spaces to invade and mess up with unplanned urban growth.
In the same breath, last night the Maharashtra government (where Bollywood is located) found the balls to arrest and jail Raj Thackerey with a non-bailable warrant - he is also known as the Indian Hitler. He has been spending the last few weeks inciting his mob of hooligans to prove how superior his race is compared to the rest of India - by burning effigies of other political leaders. His essential ploy is based on communal divide and he hopes to find power when the whole country has disintegrated into chaos based on religion, caste and cult. He has taken on other powerful politicians by bad mouthing them and their origins. He even managed to piss off the doyen - Lalu Prasad - who called to chop off his head- in a very Marie Antoinette-esque style.
BTW, this guy and his cult took over Maharashtra (my homeland) around 1995, a year after I left home (see what happens when I am not around to give him a piece of my mind?). Seriously, I have always felt it all went downhill from there - starting with their dim-witted initiative to rename Bombay as Mumbai to 'preserve our cultural heritage' (baloney!), and enforcing a curfew time of 11.30 pm on clubs and pubs because it is against the eastern culture to party at night (whatever!- he seems to have missed the Kamasutra age). It is time that we officially moved into the 21st century - which, of course, will have no room for Hitler.
So while, our scientists and our intelligensia are trying to project us into the future -- it is the Raj Thackereys of the country that may actually be having the maximum impact on the masses - engaging in the true and tested, age old tactics of divide and rule. And the masses dont see through it or question it. Good for Thakerey - he can power on! After all, this is what defines leadership capabilities, does'nt it?
I can just envision more romantic poetry to come out of this exercise - :) as fodder for Bollywood. We do need more data on the moon to incorporate into our Bollywood songs - dont we?
We may also make use of scientific data on why the human race can sustain in some parts of the solar system and whether we can find some real estate to sell on the moon. With no hope for a better life in Bangalore, we need new spaces to invade and mess up with unplanned urban growth.
In the same breath, last night the Maharashtra government (where Bollywood is located) found the balls to arrest and jail Raj Thackerey with a non-bailable warrant - he is also known as the Indian Hitler. He has been spending the last few weeks inciting his mob of hooligans to prove how superior his race is compared to the rest of India - by burning effigies of other political leaders. His essential ploy is based on communal divide and he hopes to find power when the whole country has disintegrated into chaos based on religion, caste and cult. He has taken on other powerful politicians by bad mouthing them and their origins. He even managed to piss off the doyen - Lalu Prasad - who called to chop off his head- in a very Marie Antoinette-esque style.
BTW, this guy and his cult took over Maharashtra (my homeland) around 1995, a year after I left home (see what happens when I am not around to give him a piece of my mind?). Seriously, I have always felt it all went downhill from there - starting with their dim-witted initiative to rename Bombay as Mumbai to 'preserve our cultural heritage' (baloney!), and enforcing a curfew time of 11.30 pm on clubs and pubs because it is against the eastern culture to party at night (whatever!- he seems to have missed the Kamasutra age). It is time that we officially moved into the 21st century - which, of course, will have no room for Hitler.
So while, our scientists and our intelligensia are trying to project us into the future -- it is the Raj Thackereys of the country that may actually be having the maximum impact on the masses - engaging in the true and tested, age old tactics of divide and rule. And the masses dont see through it or question it. Good for Thakerey - he can power on! After all, this is what defines leadership capabilities, does'nt it?
Monday, September 1, 2008
The new life
Week 3 in Bengaluru! Feels like a disaster so far :(
It does not rain - it pours.
Which could be quite gorgeous in the so-called Garden City - but it has brought along- gastroenteritis for Anu, slushy streets/ walkways, bigger pot-holes on the roads, reticence from friends to come out and meet up, power failures resulting in unproductive workers at the home-in-the-making, a mis-step down the slippery stairs resulting in a sprained and bruised ankle.... need I say more? This world moves at it's own pace - a slower one, a more disorganized one.
I asked the all important question to my good friend - who has spent the last ten years of her life in this city - what does Bangalore have to offer? She said - a calm mind, slowing of pace. I thought to myself, this may be exactly what I need. What I am missing right now is the ability to savor the moment. Do you remember getting excited about a haircut and a fresh perm? A new outfit? I remember that feeling - as also the fact that I have not felt that way in a while. Maybe I need to go back to savoring the little pleasures. But now I think what she meant is that your surroundings are so unruly and uncouth that you learn to appreciate the peace and quite of home/ nest, that you finally understand what "calm" means because you are surrounded by the antithesis of "calm".
Being originally from Pune- Bombay and having lived in Delhi , I compare everything to what I saw and learnt there. (And I think I am being more than fair - by not bringing in any comparisons to the Silicon Valley.)
So - here I am thinking about Pune - and how it is evolving:
It has always been big on the Automobile and Industrial sector - with the Tatas, Bajajs and Kirloskars with an established presence there.
It also has the so-called "salubrious climate" - a word I have often seen associated with Bangalore.
It has been an age-old education center - grad schools, engineering schools, AFMC, NDA, b-schools -- people from the country flocking there to partake.
It has hip and well planned defence neighborhoods - with the rest of the city being cacophonous and unplanned.
It's proximity to Bombay assures that people and fashions are adequately influenced by Bollywood. It also caters to Bollywood through FTII (Film and Television Institute of India) and numerous mass communication institutions spawning graduates every year.
It has more recently evolved into an IT and STP center. The IBMs and TCSs of the world are flourishing there.
And now - thanks to Suresh Kalmadi - it is about to host the 2008 Commonwealth Youth Games - which means new roads, freshly painted look, good infrastructure and all associated keenness to get represented as an international venue.
Pune is the #2 - the Enterprise Cars of India- they are trying harder.
What about Bangalore? What is it all about? IT? That happened 15 yrs ago.
IT happened to Bangalore first and foremost - not to Hyderabad, not to Pune. It all started in Bangalore - by design or by luck. Then, why is it still so difficult for Bangaloreans to digest? Why are they still acting like they are a small town? Why is the infrastructure so deplorable? Why is it difficult to find a taxicab or an auto-rickshaw in the SEZ- where the yuppies work? Why are there such frequent power failures - 3 times in 2 hours on Saturday night? Why is Outer Ring Road so chock full of vehicles - at a complete stop for no reason (as I discovered) except for the fact that a confused traffic cop was trying to manage it - with motorcycles trying to squeeze into that 2 inches of space on the far corner of the road - that is meant for pedestrians?
Last night, I took on a short taxi ride to Koramangala from Sarjapur Road - a 6 km stretch. Traffic was light, being Sunday night. But, it is not all about traffic. It is about crumbling roads, lack of infrastructure, lack of planning. It is about total disregard for a citizen of Bangalore - who pays twice for this infrastructure to be in place - once with income tax and second with vehicle tax - both of which are in the highest bracket for Bangaloreans.
And why is Bangalore apathetic to it? A good example is my interior decorator. This guy seems totally over his head wrt small things - ready to throw stuff over the fence to me the minute he gets an opportunity. In the meantime, he is full of great big promises, and polite conversation. He will never say no or push back on anything I say, but at the same time anything I say never gets done! And of course, time is of no consequence! If he has promised to deliver something last year (yes, you read that right) - rest assured it is probably anywhere near getting done next month! A nice guy - but totally ineffective in real life! Here is a good example of a laid back person, who holds no accountability for his actions and has no control over the tools of his trade.
And then my biggest deal-maker - something that makes me love or hate a place - shopping!
I went to Russell Market today - great for fresh fruit, veggies and meat.
But people recommended that I go there to buy steel kitchenware. Being that South Indians are steeped into stainless steel in their homes, I expected to be floored by variety. I hoped to see gleaming thalis and nicely shaped katoris. I was scouting for steel dabbas to store my groceries - and swore to give up my Tupperware. I was sorely disappointed. I found 1 store - Adams - and that's it! They were short on stock, variety and quality. Ulsoor market looked equally un-impressive as I passed by. Not a patch on Tulshibag of Pune! And certainly not on Lajpat Nagar of Delhi! Where do these people go to shop? I now plan to go to Chickpet next week - and hopefully will be suitably impressed there.
It does not rain - it pours.
Which could be quite gorgeous in the so-called Garden City - but it has brought along- gastroenteritis for Anu, slushy streets/ walkways, bigger pot-holes on the roads, reticence from friends to come out and meet up, power failures resulting in unproductive workers at the home-in-the-making, a mis-step down the slippery stairs resulting in a sprained and bruised ankle.... need I say more? This world moves at it's own pace - a slower one, a more disorganized one.
I asked the all important question to my good friend - who has spent the last ten years of her life in this city - what does Bangalore have to offer? She said - a calm mind, slowing of pace. I thought to myself, this may be exactly what I need. What I am missing right now is the ability to savor the moment. Do you remember getting excited about a haircut and a fresh perm? A new outfit? I remember that feeling - as also the fact that I have not felt that way in a while. Maybe I need to go back to savoring the little pleasures. But now I think what she meant is that your surroundings are so unruly and uncouth that you learn to appreciate the peace and quite of home/ nest, that you finally understand what "calm" means because you are surrounded by the antithesis of "calm".
Being originally from Pune- Bombay and having lived in Delhi , I compare everything to what I saw and learnt there. (And I think I am being more than fair - by not bringing in any comparisons to the Silicon Valley.)
So - here I am thinking about Pune - and how it is evolving:
It has always been big on the Automobile and Industrial sector - with the Tatas, Bajajs and Kirloskars with an established presence there.
It also has the so-called "salubrious climate" - a word I have often seen associated with Bangalore.
It has been an age-old education center - grad schools, engineering schools, AFMC, NDA, b-schools -- people from the country flocking there to partake.
It has hip and well planned defence neighborhoods - with the rest of the city being cacophonous and unplanned.
It's proximity to Bombay assures that people and fashions are adequately influenced by Bollywood. It also caters to Bollywood through FTII (Film and Television Institute of India) and numerous mass communication institutions spawning graduates every year.
It has more recently evolved into an IT and STP center. The IBMs and TCSs of the world are flourishing there.
And now - thanks to Suresh Kalmadi - it is about to host the 2008 Commonwealth Youth Games - which means new roads, freshly painted look, good infrastructure and all associated keenness to get represented as an international venue.
Pune is the #2 - the Enterprise Cars of India- they are trying harder.
What about Bangalore? What is it all about? IT? That happened 15 yrs ago.
IT happened to Bangalore first and foremost - not to Hyderabad, not to Pune. It all started in Bangalore - by design or by luck. Then, why is it still so difficult for Bangaloreans to digest? Why are they still acting like they are a small town? Why is the infrastructure so deplorable? Why is it difficult to find a taxicab or an auto-rickshaw in the SEZ- where the yuppies work? Why are there such frequent power failures - 3 times in 2 hours on Saturday night? Why is Outer Ring Road so chock full of vehicles - at a complete stop for no reason (as I discovered) except for the fact that a confused traffic cop was trying to manage it - with motorcycles trying to squeeze into that 2 inches of space on the far corner of the road - that is meant for pedestrians?
Last night, I took on a short taxi ride to Koramangala from Sarjapur Road - a 6 km stretch. Traffic was light, being Sunday night. But, it is not all about traffic. It is about crumbling roads, lack of infrastructure, lack of planning. It is about total disregard for a citizen of Bangalore - who pays twice for this infrastructure to be in place - once with income tax and second with vehicle tax - both of which are in the highest bracket for Bangaloreans.
And why is Bangalore apathetic to it? A good example is my interior decorator. This guy seems totally over his head wrt small things - ready to throw stuff over the fence to me the minute he gets an opportunity. In the meantime, he is full of great big promises, and polite conversation. He will never say no or push back on anything I say, but at the same time anything I say never gets done! And of course, time is of no consequence! If he has promised to deliver something last year (yes, you read that right) - rest assured it is probably anywhere near getting done next month! A nice guy - but totally ineffective in real life! Here is a good example of a laid back person, who holds no accountability for his actions and has no control over the tools of his trade.
And then my biggest deal-maker - something that makes me love or hate a place - shopping!
I went to Russell Market today - great for fresh fruit, veggies and meat.
But people recommended that I go there to buy steel kitchenware. Being that South Indians are steeped into stainless steel in their homes, I expected to be floored by variety. I hoped to see gleaming thalis and nicely shaped katoris. I was scouting for steel dabbas to store my groceries - and swore to give up my Tupperware. I was sorely disappointed. I found 1 store - Adams - and that's it! They were short on stock, variety and quality. Ulsoor market looked equally un-impressive as I passed by. Not a patch on Tulshibag of Pune! And certainly not on Lajpat Nagar of Delhi! Where do these people go to shop? I now plan to go to Chickpet next week - and hopefully will be suitably impressed there.
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