Confronting mortality

I believe I have been living my life as if I have all the time in the world - and to an extent, so do my loved ones! Procrastination is frequent and rampant. Lack of appreciation even more so. Add into the equation our endless battles - Mars vs. Venus, Generation X vs. baby boomers, whats our kids generation called anyway? - Gen Y? Type Alpha vs. Type Z and also the power struggles within - to prove who's boss!
And then when it suddenly strikes - without any warning - death! It is numbing. It blows the mind. It is reality - the only thing real and certain about life is death. And yet, it is inexplicably sad. It HAS to come - sooner or later.
We will all be confronted by this soon enough - death of a parent. I lost my father when I was too young. And in retrospect - I did not really get it at all! I did not understand the magnitude of my loss. I remember I felt this constant hollow in my stomach - I equate it to insecurity now. But back then I could not put my finger on it. I definitely appreciate it when they say ignorance is bliss!
Now - I am older, I hope I get it. I hope I can handle it better. But when confronted by death yet again - it was as numbing, as unacceptable. We lost A's father to his long drawn battle with health issues. Part of me wants to offer gratitude that he was spared more pain - but the other part is constantly asking 'why me? why now?and what next?'. Suddenly the whole relationship feels wasteful - because it feels like unfinished business. There are still so many things I wanted - from this relationship. There are so many upcoming events I was hoping we would share - the event of life!
And I discovered that, death is an equally important event of life! Intuitively, I would want to quickly acknowledge it and deal with it - like removing bandaid. But that is probably not good for me at a subliminal level. And Hindu rituals probably take that into consideration. What follows the death of a human being is a long process - a whole set of rituals that basically drive the fact home. And all this has nothing to do with the person who passed on but it is meant for the surviving family and friends. This is a set of age old, highly supported, sincerely practiced rituals that start from bidding farewell to the mortal remains of the departed by cleaning and preparing of the body for cremation - with great involvement from family members. It is not something carried out at a funeral home by morticians. It is led by a priest but it is physically conducted by family members. I feel that it is morbid and disturbing.
Then comes the actual cremation - offering the mortal remains to the purity of sacred fire. Another lengthy process.
Following that is an unending set of rituals and customs carried out by the family members over a span of days - if not weeks and months. We decided to keep it short - in accordance with Dad's wishes. But it is clearly a process of mourning. And mourning is not allowed to be personal. It is a public and shared process. It consists of many steps where a person is guided to share the grief and talk about it. The rituals ask for involvement of the person's siblings, children, grandchildren, womenfolk, friends - the whole ecosystem seems to get involved. It is about introspection and articulation. A process of thinking, feeling, converting thoughts and feelings into action.
Some of these rituals have been bastardised - for economic gains. But most of the process remains intact under layers of tradition and begs you to find it's value and meaning.
To me it is a reminder of how precious time and relationships are. It also provides a fresh and crystal clear lens to look at my life, my blessings, my ecosystem. I still feel numb and get that 'unfinished' feeling. But the rituals may be helping in their unexplained, mysterious ways.